Cambridge Mom’s Blog

This morning, when negotiations broke down over the Constructables for the umpteenth time, and everyone was too cranky to cope (after being up late in last night’s lovely evening, for a birthday party and playtime at the park - who can resist a perfect summer evening? I never can, although I pay for it later…..). I officially sent the kids (5 and 3) to their rooms for the first time. No time out with negotiated terms or explanations - I just sent them up, both teary and replete with righteous indignation, so that we all could compose ourselves.

A few minutes later I released them with admonitions to be nice. And apparently, having decided that Mommy is meaner than either of the kids, they have been playing nicely ever since, creating an elaborate universe out of the discordant Constructables toys and Star Wars figures.

This seems like a prison scenario right? Inmates in Kidville bonding over cruelty of the warden?

Yikes!

In my never ending quest for fun, free activities, I came across the sweetest hidden resource in my city — the Somerville Community Growing center. It is a lovely 1/4 acre garden, walking distance form Union Square, run completely by volunteers. There is an ‘orchard’, small fish pond, solar water sculpture and large grassy area with a brick labyrinth walk.

They have open gardens every weekend and a stay at home mom’s dream — free activities all through the summer. I have been attending the drop in playgroup on Friday mornings, from 10 - noon (for kids 0-5 years and their caregivers). A volunteer (mom) unlocks the gate, sets up a table with info and a donation box and ta-da playgroup. They have a little sand box, kiddie pool and sprinkler, but the biggest hit seems to be ‘fishing’ in the pond. It is tiny, but perfect for a few chubby babes to hang their sticks over the edge to catch some fish (and watch the big old frog.)

On Monday afternoon from 2-4 pm is Yardkins, where children 4-6 tend the children’s garden (and play of course.) One of the most popular activities is called Art in the Garden, which is a drop-off morning art session run by the Somerville Arts Council Monday - Thursday from 9 am - 1 pm. I hear you have to get there early because they are first come first serve and have a limit.

They also have performances and other cultural events and open garden every Saturday morning. One Saturday I took my son for private time with Mama; we got a snack at the Bloc 11 cafe, picked up some produce at the Union Square farmers market and stopped in for a kids concert at the growing center. It is simple to become a volunteer (attend a training session) and it gives you open access to the garden. The growing center is open to all (you do not have to be a Somerville resident.)

Here are two other free groups in Somerville:

Tuesday 9:30 - 11:30 Drop in Indoor/Outdoor playgroup SFN Playgroup 42 Prescott Street (for the summer)

Thursdays 11:30 - 1:30 New Moms Group 42 Prescott Street (all year)

And while I am at it, here is a preview of a list of free-bee activities from a half written blog post on all the great free stuff I’ve come across that is available year round (to be compiled and posted when I get my act together!)

Stellabella Toys - An independent toy store in Porter and Inman Squares has playgroups, sing alongs and a new mom’s group. Check out the Stellabella Events Calendar.
Barefoot Books - Retail outlet for a children’s book publisher, focused on different cultures. The Porter Square store has story hours Friday & Saturday 10:30 am for kids 5 & under, and other activities listed on the Barefoot Books web site.
Porter Square Books - Great independent book store (& cafe) in Porter Square shopping center. Story hour Wed. 11 am
Twinkle Star - New kids boutique in Ball Square, Somerville (15 min. walk from Davis or Porter Square) that has a play area in the back where they host free classes and activities daily. See Twinkle Star Calendar.
Harvard Coop - Harvard Square Story Hour Tuesdays 11 am, Story & Craft time 11 am Saturdays

Tags: Activities, free, play group, somerville, Somerville Growing Center, story hour

I have come to believe that the true way to get children to do what you want them to do is to expose them to it as much as possible. Whether it is eating beets or cross-country skiing, the more they see it, and see other people doing it, the more likely they will do it.

Ground-breaking, isn’t it?

Yes, it seems like common sense, but I know I’m not the only mother wondering why my children (who only ride their bikes for one hour every other weekend on the bike path) won’t try riding their bikes without training wheels. Or why my children (who take 4 weeks of swim lessons a year) don’t seem interested in swimming without a foamy thing tied around their waist.

“But when we go to the pond, you can go swimming out there once you learn. It will be such fun!” I would try to coax them and, yes, sometimes bribe them. “If you even TRY to ride without you training wheels, we’ll go get ice cream in Davis Square.” Nope. Totally uninterested.

Then we moved from our mostly Italian senior neighborhood to a community filled to the brim with children who are outside all day. On their bikes. Two weeks here, and both my training-wheels-or-bust children were riding 2 wheelers. I’m pretty sure that Dylan will be riding a 2-wheeler by his third birthday.

And swimming…. We live 1/4 mile from the YMCA (which the children can now bike to on their 2-wheelers), which boasts not one but two large pools. So, after my yoga class every Tuesday and Thursday (during which the kids are playing in the free and super duper child watch area), we swim. Though they offer swim lessons, neither of my older children were interested. “I want to take lessons with you, Mommy!” Well, while I don’t give any proper lessons, and actually spend all my time holding the baby, Tiernan and Rowan have both learned how to swim on their own— and even under water, which I was certain wouldn’t happen until they were thrown into a pool at a high school college party.

I have a friend (shout out to Jen Roberts!) who swims with her children nearly every single evening, and on the weekends. Her daughter was jumping off the diving board before mine even knew what a noodle was. Exposure. The good news is that you don’t need to be a member of a fancy county club to swim often around here. Somerville’s Kennedy Pool, right by Porter Square, has lessons and open swim time throughout the year, and I’m sure there are others.

Exposure and peer pressure are two words that often scare parents of young and teen children. But sometimes, they can work in our, and our children’s, favor. Now if I can just get the neighbors’ kids to start eating broccoli outside every night…

Tags: children, exposure, learn, peer pressure, riding bikes, swim, training wheels

So — I wanted to pick up on a little thread and toss it out there for consideration.

We’ve talked a tiny bit about girls — about what we fear for them — what we want for them. My X-mother-in-law (who I love dearly) often used language with my daughter that made me stop and think — from the time Sage was born.

Sage wasn’t “curious,” she was “nosy.”  She wasn’t “proud,” she was “performing.” She was a “drama queen,” “pushy” or “manipulative.”

I started thinking, then, about the words we use and how they mark our perceptions of girls. I think that the messages we give them are clear…  We tell our writing students — look to the language. The language will always reveal voice and intent — if not conscious intent, societal intent.

The worst thing I’ve noticed lately come out of my own mouth was, “what is wrong with you.” I wish I could answer for them — nothing is wrong with me, you impatient mom — sisters often feel like taking a bat to their brother…

I offer up a suggestion for the weekend — how about we all spend some time listening to the words assigned — by us, by our relatives, by our friends — listen to the language and think about what it means. If people write in on comments I could post them here next week as a little list to look out for. Positive and negative. Do we tell them they are brave? Kind? Sassy? Boring?

Anyone up for it?
(Full disclosure, my kids are going away for the week, so I can’t really participate…)

I stepped out of the shower this evening to find my six year-old daughter face down in her bed sobbing, “Nobody likes me!” She wasn’t crying to anyone; she didn’t even know I was standing there. She was crying to herself, into her pillow. Painful flashbacks rattled me into motion.

After calming Tiernan down from sobs to tears, it became clear that the reason she felt that nobody liked her was because her new BFF had left to go camping with her family for a week, and there were NO other girls around to play with. “Why would Jasmine leave me?”

Now, granted, it was 5:00 p.m., our witching hour, and she was cooked from a long day of hard and fun play (with Jasmine before her traitorous departure), so I knew she was feeling a little more sensitive than normal. I held her and listened to her, and reassured her that Jasmine loved her, as did many, and would return to her soon. After a short pause and some sniffles, she broke out into fresh sobs, “What if a grow up to be FAT?”

Mom sits up and looks at her girl. GIRL. This is not a teen, or even a tween. She’s six, for God’s sake, and should be thinking about snakes or dolls or unicorns–something other than her figure.

Right?

The confusing thing to me is this: where is she getting this? We don’t have Cosmopolitan mags lying around, or even Vic’s Secret catalogues. Neither Hubby nor I talk about losing weight or being fat, or any of that image stuff. I haven’t heard any of her friends talking like this. They don’t watch commercial TV, and we don’t live in L.A. So what gives? Is it ingrained in girls to be self- conscious about their bodies and looks?

I remember, when Tiernan was like nine months old, hearing a someone say that at the age of 6, parents get glimpses of adolescence because it is a time when children are struggling with increased independence, AND that the behavior usually disappears until around 12 years old. Then hang the F on.

So here we are, and while I’m fumbling along with, “Honey, you’re beautiful, smart and special, no matter how your body looks” and “Isn’t it nice that everyone looks and thinks so differently- that what makes this world so cool!”, Tiernan rolls her eyes (well, tries to roll her eyes) at me, and sluffs off. But, by God, what am I going to do in ten years when she no longer sluffs off to her art table to draw it out, but rather gets in her car (without haven given me the time of day) and drives to her friends house where they will talk over cigarettes, diet pills, and eye shadow about how to be perfect?

I need books. I need preemptive adolescent counseling. I am so not ready for this.

Tags: children, girls, image, moms, teens

People sometimes say that Cambridge is the Berkley of the East Coast - but when it comes to regulating nanoparticles - not yet.

Turns out Joe Jackson was right: everything gives you cancer.

New on my list today: granite countertops.

There were some alarming recommendations about cell phone use and cancer on NPR yesterday. You can see a similar article here.

However (just when I was congratulating myself on preferring my landline for long phone conversations), it’s my understanding that my wireless internet connection uses the same frequency as my microwave. So hey - blogging could give me cancer!

I actually meant to write this months ago and forgot about it — but yesterday I again saw an add that made me cringe…

It’s a new set of Pampers ads — it promises that for every box of Pampers you buy the company will pay for a vaccine somewhere far away — there are pretty pictures of the privileged mom — not so pretty pictures of the “others.”

I used to buy Pampers — way back when… my kids are in iPods, now… but I remember… Pampers work best — they never leaked and they seemed to irritate less around the elastic. I relied on them.

I also remember they were expensive.

So — it would stand to reason that it would make me feel better to know some of what I was paying — overpaying –was going to do some good — someone far less fortunate than I. See there — I don’t have to feel bad at all, and I can just keep doing what I’m doing and do better.

Here’s the kicker — a vaccine costs five cents. Yep. Five. That’s what my friend who works at Care said when I asked if she thought Trick or Treat for Unicef actually did anything at all — (maybe it’s gone up to eight, she said…).

Pampers could donate 100 vaccines per box and still only come near a coupon from the Super Saver pages.  Donate all the proceeds from one box per month and you could be talking about 2000 vaccines.

It’s just one of those situations that really illustrates the vast discrepancies  of wealth in the world…

It’s almost enough to make me suggest we should all stop buying Pampers… I don’t know — I guess the outrage is at the company –for preying on our role… for it’s feeding on both our guilt and our ignorance.

For the record — I don’t think anyone should stop using the best possible diapers they can find and afford… I think that the worst thing we can do is not cherish the position that we are in. I think it is most disrespectful not to give with all our heart these gifts to our children and teach them to live with joy for the opportunities afforded them…

Maybe it’s because I’m reading  Reviving Ophelia, freaking out for the future of our six-year old girl, and need some reassurance from those who have been there. Or maybe it’s because I have two young boys and feel like I know NOTHING about boys, never mind teen-aged boys. But I would love to have a parent (or two) of a local teen contribute to this blog. If you are a parent of a teen-ager, of know someone who is, and would like to write about thoughts you have and issues you face raising teen-agers, and what local resources there are for them (and you), please email us at cambridgemoms@gmail.com.  You would help all of us out here, and might surprise yourself with how much you enjoy the writing!  Thank you.

Tags: cambridge, somerville, teen-agers, teens

When I think of who I am, I think: mother, wife, friend, wishful artist and aspiring yogini. I could add many other things in there that I used to identify myself as, or desperately wish I could now, but the fact is: I am a mother of three young children, so really, how much more room is there for additional identities?

Yoga is my one true escape from the daily bustle and into myself. Back in the college days, I played with different kinds of yoga. Now there are a million more styles and teaching techniques out there and I don’t know how people choose anymore which style to practice. As for me, I am an Iyengar fan, and have been for about 15 years.

When I was getting ready to move here from San Diego six years ago, my Iyengar teacher there said I was so lucky to have the opportunity to practice with the top-ranked Iyengar instructor in the country. Her name is Patricia Walden, she is my yogini, and she is amazing. If you are interested in Iyengar yoga, I highly recommend her. She teaches classes at the Saint Mary’s church on Inman St. in Central Square during the school year. She spends her summers doing special workshops here and all over the world (summer classes are taught by her her senior teachers, who are also wonderful). She plans her semester much like other teachers, with a plan for progress, and it is best to commit to going every week for the semester to get the most out of her teachings.

In my opinion, what sets Iyengar yoga apart from other styles is its focus on proper technique. Many people who have physical injuries seek out Iyengar yoga because the teachers know so much about proper alignment and how yoga can help strengthen, stretch, or just not stress specific areas of the body. If you have ever taken dance classes, you will understand this analogy: Iyengar yoga is like the Ballet of the yoga world. I think everyone should have an Iynegar foundation, and then if they want to move on to power yoga styles, they can. At least they less likely to hurt themselves, and will probably get more out of it.

We are so lucky to have a teacher like Patricia Walden right here in our hood. It is worth trying her out at least a few times to see what you think. Good luck and, as B.K.S. Iyengar would say, “Keep you armpits open!”

Tags: cambridge, Iyengar, Patricia Walden, yoga